*Note* My ranking system is personal. 5’s usually mean that it got me to see the world in a new way, it entertained me in an unexpected way, or it offered what I needed to hear at this point in my life.
I’ve found that when you read books – meaning the timing and circumstances of your life – impacts your feelings about that book.
So, if I rate a book lower than you would, can we still be friends?
My kids were at a park this past week, playing tag with a bunch of other kids they had never met before. But this was like… a legit, intense game of tag.
Every kid carried this look of determination on their faces as they were fleeing or pursuing each other in the hopes of tagging or not getting tagged. Those same faces shift to elation or disappointment with the contact of the pursuant’s hand on the pursued.
A friend of mine and his wife came over and their kids joined the fun, and as we were chatting about life… a thought came to me. “Andy, when was the last time you played tag? But, like… for real. Trying your hardest to tag or not get tagged?”
We both thought about it for a bit and we had no way of knowing when that was. Were we 10? 12? 16? 30?
My guess is that my answer is closer to the 12-16 range, and we’ll never really know… but that moment does exist somewhere in time! There was a “last time” that I seriously played tag. And… I still have the power to change that date. Anyone want to play?
I went on with my life, not thinking too much more of my tag ambitions… it until last Wednesday…
Shower Thoughts
So, there I am… in the shower – and before you get too nervous about where this is headed – that’s as graphic as I’ll get about the general setting. It’s important though, because the shower is a place where my mind just kind of relaxes through all the mayhem that is life.
The fact that the day is a Wednesday is also important because every Wednesday, I go to lunch with my dad. It’s like clockwork, and something we’ve been doing for the past 15 years.
After this particular shower I was headed to lunch with him and, for whatever reason, my thoughts connected my lunch with my dad to that “last time playing tag” idea from earlier, and I realized… There is going to be a “last time” that I get to go to lunch with my dad.
This thought… sent me into a spiral.
In this shower, as these “last time” thoughts are circling in my head, I just started crying. I wasn’t sobbing. It wasn’t anything uncontrollable and I don’t know that it was even sad. The tears just came, and, with the water from the shower pouring down my face, had someone been creepily watching me during this shower, they would’ve never known that I was crying.
An onslaught of emotions got me thinking about several routines in my life that will have… or have had… a “last time.”
My Dad
I shared the lunch routine we have, but we have another.
Every time I call my dad, the beginning of the conversation is always the same.
I start with, “David.” Now, I started calling him by his first name as a joke a long time ago and now… we keep it going. For those wondering, it’s not a sign of disrespect at this point
Him: Erik. Me: Did I wake you up? Him: Some version of, “I’ve already got a full-day’s work in before you even think of waking up.” Us: Haha Conversation continues about why we originally called.
I don’t know when, and I don’t want it to be soon, but there will be a time where we will have our last phone call. And… that day is closer now than it was when I started typing this message.
My Mom
My pet name from my mom was “Punkin.” The phone call from her would always start, “Hi Punkin!” Since she passed, I haven’t heard those words, and, unfortunately, never will again.
Ever since I was little, I would tell her I love her and she’d respond with, “I love you more.” At which point, I would pull out the trump card with, “I love you the most!”
She’d respond with, “Nope. That will never be true.”
As a parent, I now understand that she was right.
About a year before she passed, she gave me a little craft that hangs on the wall of our living room that says, “Love You More…” And, the back, she signed it, “Punkin – I will always love you more! Mom”
My Wife
Caitlin was my high school crush. I never had the guts to talk to her while in high school, but later in life, I was able to trick her into dating and subsequently marrying me.
I wrote a bit more about that experience in a previous newsletter:
We have a bedtime ritual, and I don’t even know how or why it started… it just… did. Every night, whether we are still tired or sad or angry… we do this same thing.
I give her 5 quick kisses on her lips. 1 kiss on her nose. 1 on her forehead. 5 more on the lips, followed by, “You sleep good muchacho…” 3 kisses on the lips, “Remember I love you the most,” 5 more kisses on the lips, another on the nose, one on her cheek, and 5-10 more on the lips.
After the avalanche of 27-40 kisses, she says, “No way, Jose.”
There’s the age-old wisdom that says something like, “never go to bed in an argument with your spouse.” Now that I think about it, basically, every night of our entire marriage ends with an argument.
And, true to the theme here… There will be a last time she and I do this bedtime ritual. Whether because of illness, me losing my mind, her realizing she could do better than me, or death… there will be… a last time.
My hope is that science figures out a way for us to live forever and that day never comes. I’ll hold to that hope, but my mind understands, that again… that inevitable day is closer now than it has ever been before.
My Kids
My kids and I have two daily routines when school is in session.
The first is a play on the I love you more game.
They quickly figured out the “I love you the most” trick, so I was able to beat that one with, “I love you the most, I said it first.” Because… with kids, whoever called it first, wins.
We had to establish ground rules so they didn’t come barging into our bedroom too early in the morning… so after 7:00 AM, we are all allowed to say it, and whoever says it first, wins that day.
Same rules apply later at 8:30 PM, to see who wins the night. So, twice a day, we all race to say this to each other first. I usually win, but every once in a while, they get me, so I have to change the rules for that day to somehow make it so I still win.
They will move on. There will come a time where they will no longer want to play. They will be too cool or too mature or any number of possible reasons will lead to there being a last time they want to say this.
The second routine is when I drop them off to school.
Every day, I give them a big squeeze hug, and I ask three questions: Will you be nice? Will you be helpful? Will you do your best? Followed by, “I love you so much.”
I wonder if I’ll recognize the last time I get to do this one.
Firsts vs Lasts
Once we are old enough to remember things, I think it’s easier for us to remember our firsts rather than our lasts. Our first kiss. Our first concert. Our first job or car or broken bone. These were novel experiences that changed our lives moving forward.
But our lasts… we never really know when they are coming. The last time we ran at a full sprint. The last time we ate Ramen noodles. The last time we will fly in an airplane. The last time we picked our child up and held him or her in our arms. The last time we were picked up by our mom or dad. The last time we get to hug our mom, or our friends, or our kids.
I won’t go deep into this, but Charlie Kirk was assassinated about 30 minutes from where I live. I abhor violence. This was awful. Period.
I felt horror and sadness learning that another son, husband, and father was killed in that way, and my mind went to these thoughts about “lasts.”
His last event. His last words. His last moments with his family. His last moments of life, now permanently public.
These “lasts” happen every. single. day. Some are horrific and tragic. Some are quiet and peaceful. Some lasts… like my last game of tag… aren’t even noticed or acknowledged. Whispers in time that nobody heard or recognized in the moment.
I get to interact with tens of thousands of people a year at this point, and with this many people, and the demographic of people I try to help, I experience many last phone calls or emails with people who I never get to interact with again because they passed away.
People ask what I do for a living and I say I’m a YouTuber who tries to help people with Medicare. Most who hear this don’t know what that means. I don’t know that my wife fully knows what that means.
But it has become much more than just making videos or taking phone calls or answering emails about Medicare – because of people like you who read this, or who I’m lucky enough to interact with, or those who watch the videos and comment on YouTube… because I know so many of you now by name (or YouTube username).
I hear your stories. I hear about your families. I hear about your successes and your struggles and it is so wonderful and exhilarating and meaningful to me.
But… there are times… when it is overwhelmingly heavy… acknowledging our “lasts.”
This Month
My challenge to you is to take time this month and consider some of the more meaningful lasts in your life. Embrace and remember those that you can’t get back. Recognize that you have the ability and power to shape how some of them will happen moving forward. Take the steps to make a difference with the ones you still have time to change.
If you have relationships that have been soured, or people you left on less-than-solid terms, reach out to them, and influence the lasts in your life where you can.
Moving forward, as you interact with people with whom you never think will be out of your life, treat those precious moments for what they are – and don’t let your last moments go by unnoticed.
*Note* My ranking system is personal. 5’s usually mean that it got me to see the world in a new way, it entertained me in an unexpected way, or it offered what I needed to hear at this point in my life.
I’ve found that when you read books – meaning the timing and circumstances of your life – impacts your feelings about that book.
So, if I rate a book lower than you would, can we still be friends?
The goal was to finish a book a week. We made it by the skin of our teeth!
*Note* My ranking system is personal. 5’s usually mean that it got me to see the world in a new way, it entertained me in an unexpected way, or it offered what I needed to hear at this point in my life.
I’ve found that when you read books – meaning the timing and circumstances of your life – impacts your feelings about that book.
So, if I rate a book lower than you would, can we still be friends?
A year ago, I documented my attempts at learning how to really swim on Facebook. I’m kicking myself now for not recording with video, but the point is, I wanted to see how good at swimming I could get in 7 sessions.
The first few sessions were ROUGH, and had me feeling like I was going to drown. But, with some YouTube coaching, tips some friends, and a little bit of hard-headedness, I was able to swim a mile straight on my 7th session.
The improvement was crazy to me – not because of some innate talent I have, but because of what determination and practice can do for us.
So, that led me to Expert in a Week. My new YouTube channel that, so far, just has one project. This first challenge was to learn the piano in a week.
Let’s be real here, I’m not going to learn an entire instrument in a week, so I decided to try and learn a song in a week. And then… perform it in public… at the airport.
I hope you enjoy the journey.
Don’t forget the book recommendation below, but here is another video where a buddy of mine interviewed me about the piano experience for more behind the scenes details.
Okay, this was one of my top books of the year, for several reasons.
Reason #1 The author’s philosophy around longevity lines up with my feelings about the topic. He’s just much better at articulating everything than I am.
The conversation of being able to extend our lives past 100, 110, 150… has been happening as long as I’ve been alive, and I’m sure even longer than that.
And yes, with enough money and science, we’re pretty decent at keeping people alive. But, longevity isn’t just about staying alive.
It’s about enjoying life while still alive, and being able to do the things you’d hope to be able to do as opposed to being hooked up to a machine.
The author shares details around not just living more years, but the things we can do to make sure our last 10 years are as enjoyable as possible.
Reason #2 The author refers to the 4 horsemen that account for over 80% of deaths in people over 50 who do not smoke…
Atherosclerotic disease – think heart disease and stroke
Cancer
Neurodegenerative disease – Alzheimer’s being the most common
“Foundational disease.” There are a lot included in this, including hyperinsulinemia, insulin resistance, fatty liver disease, type 2 diabetes, and others.
He then goes through each of these in detail, explaining what we can control as well as what we can’t (that we know of).
The encouraging news is that, with many of these, it’s not too late to start.
Reason #3 He gets technical.
Peter (I’m a millennial, so I just assume I’m on a first-name basis with everyone) goes through chemical pathways, hormones, genes, therapies, and major functional systems of the body. Some may enjoy the detailed, scientific breakdown of these topics (I sure did), others may not. Our bodies are incredible machines, and the more you learn about the details happening on microscopic levels, the more awe-inspiring it gets.
Reason #4 Peter’s advice felt practical.
As an example, he discusses diets.
I’m sure we’ve all seen, and maybe even tried, all kinds of fad diets where carbs are the devil, no fats are the devil, no sugar is the devil, not (insert other fad diets here).
Peter (a doctor, by the way) explains that there is no magic diet. Most people can handle all kinds of foods. Moderation is important. Quantities make a big deal.
I appreciated that his recommendation wasn’t the latest diet that he’s getting paid to pitch. Made me feel better while also motivating me to make some little tweaks that can have long-term benefits.
He did a similar thing around exercise. Cardio? Weights? Swimming? Jogging? The best exercise for you, is the one you do.
For all of those reasons, I highly recommend this book. Genuinely enjoyed it, and I hope you do, too.
Finally, I just want to reiterate how much I appreciate you. With the holiday season here, I hoe you are able to spend happy and needed time with family and friends.
Hug the ones you love. Tell them how much they mean to you. We never know when our last hug, our last kiss, our last chance to laugh and cry with someone may be, so make the most of every moment you have with the people you care about.
I’ve never been a fan of Halloween, and I’ll tell you why, but first, I need to share something that happened in a car ride with my kids last week.
We were all driving home in our sexy minivan, and out of the back seat, Jared asks, “Dad, have you ever lied to us?”
Without hesitation, I said, “Oh yeah, I lie to you ALL the time.” Caitlin laughed. They laughed. I laughed. Then, I think it hit them, and Noel was like, “Wait… what have you lied to us about.”
I turn up the radio way too loud and shout, “What? I can’t hear you!”
This will all make sense (maybe) in a minute Okay, back to why I’ve never liked Halloween.
First, I’ve always been a bit of a scaredy dog (I’m allergic to cats). I don’t like scary movies. I don’t like being scared. Clowns are the worst. None of that does it for me. All the costumes freak me out.
Second… starting when I was in second grade, I got SUPER sick on Halloween. All the worst things like not being able to keep anything down, sore throat, aches & pains… it was probably Covid…
But, for that year, I couldn’t go trick or treating, and just laid in bed.
Third grade rolls around and I got sick again. Different kind of sick (still probably Covid, though), but I wasn’t able to go trick or treating… AGAIN!
My mom tried to console my 9-year-old self, because I was understandably upset that I didn’t get to stuff my face with candy like all my friends.
Being the wise, creative, loving parent she is, she told me the following: “Erik, God is probably doing this on purpose. You see, I think that terrorists are poisoning candy anyway so that they can make American kids weak, but since you are sick on Halloween, you’re going to be protected and strong.”
Seems logical. Who REALLY knows? Maybe she was right…
And THAT’S how, at 9-years-old, I became a full-fledged conspiracy theorist.
Here’s where my parents and their lying story ties back in. All makes sense now, right? Pretty sure we, as parents, are constantly lying to our kids, all while telling them to tell the truth. The perks of being an adult…
Wrapping up this part You won’t believe this, and that’s okay, but I got sick on Halloween six years in a row. From 2nd grade through 7th grade – the PRIME trick or treating years. I basically didn’t have a real childhood, and probably explains a lot.
8th grade rolls around, and by this time, I’m too old to go trick or treating anyway, so yeah, never been a fan.
And good thing, too. Suck it terrorists!
Now I have kids My kids love Halloween. They love poisonous candy. They love watching shows that are scary, and now that it is mid-November, I’m praying they will stop having scary nightmares from the Halloween movies they watched all of October after insisting that “they’re old enough” and “we promise we won’t be scared” and “we promise we know it’s not real.” Only to have them come crashing into our bedroom in the middle of the night crying because they are scared of whatever make-believe character was running through their mind after watching Hocus Pocus three weeks ago.
Does this ever happen to any of you? No? Just me? Awesome.
I have a couple pictures of our family’s coordinated costumes at the end of this (if you’re interested).
November Now… it’s time for all of us to enjoy the best month of the year…
The one that we’re ALL grateful comes around and brings us so much perspective on what we’re truly thankful for…
The month we all celebrate with enthusiasm and gusto because of a very special and important date…
Even though I don’t need to say it… because we all know what it is… I’m going to anyway.
In fact, let’s say it together – on three.
1…
2…
3…
My Birthday.
My birthday is in November, which means I am one year older, and questionable as to whether or not I’m any wiser.
Here’s what I got on that front.
Words of Wisdom
Okay… here’s the big secret. But you have to pinky-promise not to tell ANYONE… I hate my birthday.
Like… I want to hide-in-my-room-and-not-come-out – hate my birthday.
And not because I’m afraid of getting older – I just genuinely don’t like the attention for doing something that was pretty much out of my control.
“Good job being born!” Gee… thanks. It took a lot of effort.
I also have a pretty big issue with presents. I’m really, really, really bad at showing emotion outside of the awkward, laughing away of my insecurities.
You can ask Trenton, the president and fearless leader of our company, because on more than one occasion (just this week) he’s said, “You’re so hard to read! I don’t know what you’re thinking.”
Earth to Trenton… there’s not a lot rattling around in this noggin’. Chances are, I’m not thinking about anything. But he can’t know that.
He could share the greatest news in the world with me: “Erik, Roger Federer just called, he wants to play tennis with you!” (still waiting for this call, and this might actually make me cry)
Or, devastating news: “Erik, did you see that someone left a mean comment about you on YouTube?” (I cry on the inside)
And my emotional reaction is pretty close to the same. “Oh… cool. Okay.
The Perfect Gift
So, when it comes to receiving gifts… there are people who put a lot of time and effort into coming up with the PERFECT gift for me.
After I open the glittery card… Hold up.
I have a bone to pick with glitter. I’m convinced that terrorists probably invented glitter, too. Seriously. Never has anyone ever enjoyed getting glitter in every possible orifice, and that will never fully go away.
My car got glitter bombed when Caitlin and I got married, and 3 years later, when I traded it into a dealer, the dealer was like, “yo, what’s with the glitter?”
I mean think about it. We Glitter-bomb people we hate! Mark Rober made a bunch of glitter bombs for thieves stealing packages off people’s porches! He has a 7-video series of this!
So, if you’re ever thinking, “Hey, this glitter card is cute.” Stop yourself. Put it back. And stop supporting terrorists.
Okay, back to the story of the Perfect Gift. There are people in my life who truly try and make my birthday special. We have YEARS of shared history with countless sentimental memories and inside jokes. They know me as well as my own parents or siblings, and when they hand me a beautiful custom-made gift, I can just see it in their eyes… they are fully expecting me to break down in tears and shower them with hugs… but alas, I inevitably leave them severely disappointed.
After I open the glittery card (ugh) and pull out the $20 bill… I say, “Gee, thanks. This was really thoughtful of you.”
Then it gets all awkward as they look at me with those big, expectant eyes, just waiting for the tears to stream down my cheeks, and they say… “Di.. Did you see what’s inside, though?! Did you read the card I made?! Did you see the $20 bill?!”
“Yeah. I mean… These are really great. Thank you. Seriously.”
Their shoulders slouch. They look at my kids like, “What’s the matter with your dad? Why isn’t he weeping?”
And then I have to be the “bad guy” and say, “Look, Caitlin…. you’re my wife… and paying me 20 dollars on my birthday… it just doesn’t hit as hard as it used to.”
Inflation’s a real thing.
So yeah, I’m a terrible person to be around on my birthday. But! There’s a yin and a yang to everything, because, you see, I LOOOOVE giving a perfect gift that I know is going to blow someone away.
So, here’s what I’ve learned…
While I may not enjoy a certain thing for my own reasons – someone else may LOVE that thing for their own reasons. And just like I enjoy when someone actively participates in the things I’m passionate about…
There are times where I can also actively participate in things that the people I care about are passionate about.
Holidays. Certain family gatherings. Exercise classes. Birthdays…
I can unlock the bedroom door where I’m hiding… put the cellphone down… and be present and excited for the people I love.
And just like I USED to not like plays and musicals and art galleries and classical music – maybe… just maybe… I’ll learn to enjoy: Holidays. Certain family gatherings. Exercise classes. Birthd…
Nope, nope, nope… can’t do it. I’ll never enjoy my birthday. I can only concede so much here, people!
The REAL November Holiday This month is the month of No Shave November… See?! I can’t deal with serious emotions…
No. This month is the month of Thanksgiving, and I’m pretty sure the vast majority of people who read these posts know me personally. And for those of you who read this, but are strangers, my message of “thank you” goes out to you, too.
Thank you for being a part of my life. Whether we are still close, and get the chance to see each other regularly, or it’s been years. People come in and out of our lives at various times, and even though life separates us, know the feelings of love and respect are still there.
Okay, enough with the “real” emotions… now on to the Book Recommendation.
Look, my kids watched the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles this past week for the first time, and yes, they had nightmares about that too, but I think we can all agree that Leonardo is the best.
My kids know all of the turtles’ … hmm… that’s an interesting word to say out loud… Turtles’… Turtleses… Did you just try to say it out loud?
You and I will share this moment forever.
Anyway… my kids know all the names, and I had the opportunity to give them a mind-melting moment of true history and culture… blessing them with an unending well of knowledge around the four masters of renaissance art.
After eloquently delivering my circa-2012 PowerPoint presentation about Donatello, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Raphael (ordered oldest to youngest… impressed?) that I made in college, I was expecting them to say something like: “Wow dad! You’re so smart! That’s amazing!” “You just proved how important school is! We’ll never complain about homework again!” “Leonardo totally IS the best! We’re so glad you told us!” “No dad… NO…. Leonardo IS NOT the best… YOU’RE the best.”
Instead, all I got was, “SHHHH! They’re fighting Superfly! We can’t hear!”
So, while my kids may never understand nor appreciate high-culture art, I hope you do.
This book was awesome. Leonardo da Vinci was a genius and the inventions, sculptures, paintings, anatomical discoveries, insight into the scientific method, and more are genuinely astounding.
Some people… ya know?! They just function on a different level.
Oh! And have you ever noticed the Mona Lisa doesn’t have eyebrows? The most famous painting in the world, and the girl doesn’t have eyebrows?! What’s Leo’s deal?!
Don’t worry, there’s a reason… and it’s in the book.
Note that if you do purchase a book through these links, I do make a itty bitty commission. You don’t pay any more. Just a few pennies go to me rather than Jeff Bezos.
PS – here are those Family Halloween Costumes:
Who did it better?
That’s all I got for this one, and look, if you made it this far… something must’ve made you stick around for this long.
If you haven’t already, why not just subscribe to this little blog we just shared together? And if you’ve already subscribed, throw in a comment or a like or something. Always bring a smile to my face.
Here’s the deal. I’m what some (my wife) would call a prideful man.
It’s easy for me to look at someone (my kids) and tell them, “Hey, do this or that, trust me, I know better.”
And maybe this has never happened to you, but I recently had one of those moments where my 10-year-old daughter was putting up this HUGE fight, and I gave her some of my timeless wisdom, only to hear what I said and have it hit me… and hit me HARD… where I was like, “Oh… Erik… you’re as guilty as she is.”
So this story starts with her fighting against playing the piano.
“It’s BOOOORING!” “I’m not getting any better!” “It’s Hard.”
That last one is the one I want to focus on. It’s hard.
Later that same day, as she was finishing up her homework from school, she more or less quit on the assignment because, “it’s hard.”
Even at 10, she is a great little runner (think… track & field) and has recently wanted to quit that because… you guessed it… “it’s hard.”
We Grow Out of It…right? Who am I kidding?! No, we don’t.
In the middle of my wise, fatherly lecture about how she’ll look back one day and thank me and her younger self for sticking with piano, or homework, or exercise, or anything else hard… I brought up the fact that at some point, EVERYTHING was hard. This caused a thought spiral that stuck with me for a few minutes.
Think about that. Nothing we have ever done, ever in our lives, started out easy.
From our first second out in the real world, we come out absolutely screaming. Why? Because breathing air on our own was HARD. Living outside our warm, protective mother and in the cold world was HARD. Adjusting our eyes, figuring out how to use our hands, eating, crawling, walking, running, jumping… these all used to be impossibly HARD.
But then… they weren’t.
With guidance, practice, patience, some falls and scratches and scars, they became… less hard.
And, in some cases, there are things that are so easy to us right now, that our 10-year-old selves would’ve never imagined how cool they would become.
Halloween My daughter is afraid of HARD. She says she’s scared that she’ll look stupid or silly. Which is weird, because when she gets with her friends, she has no problem acting stupid AND silly, but I will never profess to understand the inner workings of the young girl’s mind.
But this fear she has… she likely gets from her dad.
I’ve been afraid of a lot of things in my life. Like… A LOT.
Spiders, snakes, heights, falling, skiing, ghosts, scary movies, girls, death, looking stupid, and yes… hard things.
So, in that moment of me telling my 10-year-old little girl that everything was hard, until it wasn’t… it was almost like I was talking to myself at the same time.
Aging Up As I get older, many of those things that were hard as a kid, but became easy, are becoming hard again.
My body doesn’t work like it used to, and I know I may be preaching to the choir here, but I’m a little bit afraid to get up and do things that used to be easy, but are… let’s say… not as easy as they used to be.
Exercising. Ugh.
Expressing how I feel to my friends and family. Scary.
Making the time to just play. Not efficient.
Finding the time to be with other human beings and talk about something deeper than sports or the weather. Hmm… seems too vulnerable.
Sometimes, these are hard. But, they seem to always be worth the effort.
Seasons As we move into fall, with the colder weather, falling leaves, and snow… more things will get hard.
Driving… for one. Utah drivers are nuts. Throw in some snow and hiding in my house seems pretty wise. But, over this next month, I’m going to try to do some hard things.
I’ll let you know how that goes.
PS – Here is that 10-year-old I speak of. She’s my oldest, and sometimes, her personality is too much like her dad’s. Other times, she’s just like her mom (thank goodness).
I have a kid with BRACES?! How on earth did that happen?!
Book Recommendations Here’s the part where I get to share some fun books with you.
I thought this book was as cute as can be. The main character is a geneticist with undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome and his attempt to construct a test to find his perfect mate result in some pretty funny scenes.
This was a fun read that my mother-in-law REALLY had to convince me to try, and I’m glad she did. Get it Here
This is one of the few books that I can say COMPLETELY changed my perspective on how the world works.
Ryan Holiday is a former “Marketing Guy” who was behind some of the most successful marketing campaigns in recent history. This book was written before the TikToks and other explosions of social platforms and the spread of information, which is even more scary, and you’ll see that the tactics he describes are being used on a staggering scale.
The language gets colorful at times, but you will never read a blog, watch a news program, or look at the world the same after reading this book.
Note that if you do purchase a book through these links, I do make a small commission. You don’t pay any more. Just a few pennies go to me rather than Jeff Bezos.
Hey, you made it this far, why not just subscribe to this little blog we just shared together?
I had the same conversation on three different occasions with three close friends, and surprisingly, each friend had a different opinion on this topic.
Here was the question: How much of where you find yourself today would you attribute to LUCK?
Both good and bad luck.
One friend didn’t believe luck was a thing. One friend felt that it is mostly his effort with a little luck sprinkled in there. One friend felt that life is mostly luck, with our effort topping it all off.
I went so far as to create a poll on Linkedin to see how my professional network approached this idea.
Here’s what LinkedIn said:
And I guess to even start having this conversation, we all need to agree on a definition of luck.
Some call it fortune. Some call it chance. Some call it divine guidance.
Regardless of what you call it, here’s how I’ll define it for the purposes of this thought:
Luck is any event outside your control that directly affects your life.
I know, I know… that definition is broad and sways this conversation into supporting how much I feel luck influences our lives. Spoiler, I think it has a huge roll.
If you’ll allow, I have 1 story that is actually 3 stories, and scientifically proves my point (no science is actually involved).
Story 1.1 My dad coached me in several sports growing up, basketball being my passion. He decided to take on the head coach roll at my middle school when I was in 8th grade.
His choice. Not mine.
The 1st day of tryouts happened to be on the same day as the 1st day of tryouts for the high school we fed into (Hillcrest).
Several 9th graders (9th graders were in middle school) wanted to go to the high school tryouts, but if they got cut from the high school, they still wanted a chance to play for the middle school team.
So, my dad being the sensible man that he is, told them, “Look, if you go to the high school tryouts, you have an auto-pass for our 1st day.
Go to the high school. If you make it, great. If you don’t, come to our 2nd day of tryouts.”
Somehow, this pretty simple strategy made it to the Hillcrest high school coach – however, much like the telephone game we’ve all played, he heard something different.
He heard that my dad was telling 9th graders NOT to go try out at the high school.
Naturally, high school coach calls my dad, says some not-so-nice things, and that night, my dad tells me that I won’t be going to Hillcrest.
Story 1.2 I end up going to Jordan High School, I would argue, mostly due to events completely outside my control. They were coming off a trip to the state championship under the leadership of legendary coach, Hal Hale.
As luck would have it, he retires before my 9th grade year. And while my basketball career ended up being lackluster, guess who I met at Jordan?
A certain gal named Caitlin Maurer.
I saw her on my 2nd day at Jordan, and developed what I would call a crush, and what everyone else who knew me during this time would call – an obsession.
She was (is) hot. And I wanted to be her boyfriend – whatever THAT means in high school.
The problem is, I haven’t always been this charming, gregarious, outgoing person that I am (not) today. In fact, if you meet me in-person, I’m still quite shy and reserved until we get to know each other better.
So, my strategy to woo Caitlin into falling madly in love with me during those teenage years was this: Don’t talk to her for 3 years.
What do you want me to say? I was scared?! Yes. I was 100% scared.
Story 1.3 After spending 2 years in Russia on a church service mission, I realized that if I can talk to Russians about Jesus, surely I can talk to a girl about… I dunno… Jesus?
21-year-old Erik had game. (21-year-old Erik had ZERO game)
I come home and, much to my surprise, she’s not married! Sweet! However, she had several suitors.
She had just come home from college and was in an interesting time of her life. Had I been around 6 months earlier, or 6 months later, I don’t believe we would’ve ever connected the way we did.
But we did.
And over the course of a few months, my awkwardness and total lack of understanding around how to be cool somehow won her over.
She’s always been charitable, and agreeing to spend life with me automatically gets her into the highest place of wherever you believe we go after this life.
We get married. We are married. We have 3 beautiful, wonderful kids. How did all this happen?
This all happened BECAUSE my dad chose to be the head coach of a middle school basketball team.
Now, I know THAT isn’t the only reason. There were millions of decisions and actions that I made during that time. But the way I see it, I never even meet Caitlin without that phone call the night the high school coach shared his thoughts with my dad.
I probably end up going to Hillcrest with my childhood friends, probably win a state championship, probably become bigger, better, and more famous than LeBron James, probably meet a different gal – nowhere near as cool as Caitlin, of course… we’ll just never know…
Let me try one other angle.
I firmly believe, that a HUGE, if not THE BIGGEST determination of where we end up involves:
WHEN we are born – meaning, the year (100 BC vs 1900s).
WHERE we are born – meaning America vs Russia, as an example.
TO WHOM we are born – our parents.
I don’t feel like I had any control over these.
Yet those three things will influence our lives and the people we become as much as anything.
My seduction style of ignoring Caitlin for years… totally influenced by those 3 factors.
What’s my point?
The point is this: As someone who likes to be in control of his life, the more I think, the more I realize how little control I actually have.
The stock market, international wars, my mom’s cancer, what my kids do at school, the relationships of friends, and family members, and coworkers, and you reading this… I have an infinitesimally small amount of control over any of this.
And accepting that is scary.
But… I can control some things.
And in the grand scheme of it all, they are small. But to me, it’s all I have.
I can control how I treat myself. I can control how I treat others. I can control what I write and share with you and the world.
My circle of influence is not impressive, especially if we’re looking to topple nations, or call up a celebrity to party, or raise millions of dollars for a cause.
My circle is small. But goodness… that small circle is my whole reason for existing here on this little planet, spinning in the middle of nowhere. I feel as though my purpose is to help as many people in that little circle, as much as I possibly can.
Because when I do… THAT is when I feel most alive. That is when I feel like my actions actually mean something.
And while everyone is different, a big part of me feels like we all want to do meaningful things.
Look, I absolutely loved this book. And to the friend who didn’t like this book, you know who you are, I still love and respect you. Probably more so for being willing to share your opinion.
Yes, it is a book about finances, and stock markets, and investments… but I took so much more from this book that applies to life in general, outside of just money.
One of my favorite quotes from the book is from Napoleon. His definition of a military genius: “The man who can do the average thing when everyone else around him is losing his mind.”
The author says it’s the same with investing. I think it’s the same with many things – sports, kids, work, relationships… you name it.
There are so many other impactful lessons, and I really hope you enjoy this book.
I have been trying to eat “better.” I put it in quotations because everyone’s definition of healthy eating seems to shift… a lot.
“Go keto.” “Protein only.” “Avoid all carbs.” “Just carbs.” “Use healthy oils.” “Don’t use oils.” “Fat is the enemy.” “Sugar is the enemy.”
And on, and on it goes.
This book references several interesting studies around what seems to cause obesity and unhealthy eating habits. I’ve been implementing many recommendations mentioned in this book, while also cheating quite a bit 😊
Note that if you do purchase a book through these links, I do make a small commission. You don’t pay any more. Just a few pennies go to me rather than Jeff Bezos.
Hey, if you like my rambling thoughts and book recommendations, what if you subscribed to this newsletter? How cool would that be?
Scam Me if You Can was written by Frank Abagnale, the same guy that the movie Catch Me if You Can details.
Everyone feels differently about the real-life person that is Leonardo DiCaprio, but I think we can all admit that he’s an incredible actor.
The story of Frank Abagnale, even if it was embellished by like, I don’t know, 100%, is still a WILD story and I would never have the guts to come anywhere near the kinds of shenanigans he pulled off.
And then he switches sides and starts helping law enforcement!
One of my top 3 favorite TV shows of all time is called White Collar, and this show was developed with Frank Abagnale in mind – I think he was a consultant on it originally? Maybe I’m making that up. Hold on. I’ll Google it.
Okay, so he didn’t consult on it. Apparently the series was inspired by him and he was supposed to make a cameo in the final episode, but had a scheduling conflict. They say (not sure who “they” are) that he was a fan of the show.
Anyway, I love Neil Caffrey, the main character in this show, and that character was modeled after Frank.
It feels like this month’s book recommendation is turning into more of a TV and movie recommendation… NO. I need to stay strong. We don’t need to watch more TV people.
That whole “turned-my-life-around-to-help-people” is what this month’s book recommendation is about.
Frank (for some reason I feel like he and I are on a first name basis already) wrote this book to help you and I avoid common scams.
It was written in 2019, which is pre-covid, making it seem like forever ago, but it really isn’t THAT long ago. Since 2019, some other scams have popped up, but I think Frank’s advice is still sound today.
My real job is in the Medicare space, so of course I recommended this book to my Medicare friends because he spends a good amount of time describing Medicare scams and ways thieves target the Medicare population.
So, learn about how to prevent that, as well as other common scams happening every single day.
And if you’re thinking, “Oh, I’m too smart to get scammed…” I don’t want to burst your bubble, but Frank says THAT is the ideal target. So, in a way… ONLY smart people will read this book… how’s that for persuasion? Check it out 😊
Words of Wisdom – The Autronic Eye
I posted this on Facebook, so if we are connected there, I’m sorry you have to read this twice.
In 1952, GM introduced the Autronic Eye. It was a sensor that would detect lights from oncoming traffic and automatically dim your car’s high beams, aka, brights.
Since then, and for decades now, cars have had some form of automatic headlights. All you need to do is set your little dial to AUTO, and then your headlights will turn on if it’s dark outside your car, and turn off if it’s light.
It’s a subtle thing that (almost) all of us appreciate without thinking about. I say ALMOST all of us, because there is one person in my life who has the AUTO feature in her car and chooses… yes, consciously chooses, not to use it.
Instead, this person wants to manually turn lights on and off, leaving the risk of forgetting to either turn them on at night, or forgetting to turn them off and killing the battery.
I don’t want to name names, but this person: 1. Is not me. 2. Lives in the same house as me. 3. Is 1 of 2 people in our house legally allowed to operate a car.
So, every time I get to drive said person’s luxury minivan (learn more about that awesome experience in this post), and heaven forbid it is dark, I get flashed – AND NOT THE GOOD KIND OF FLASHED – to remind me to turn on the headlights that I THOUGHT were already on because every car I’ve had since high school just does it automatically.
So, being the loving co-pilot I am, I switch that little knob over to AUTO when I drive.
You know, to make the person-I-love-more-than-anyone-else-in-this-world’s life easier. I’m trying to remove one more potential stressor in her already chaos-filled life as she lives with me and 3 perfect (crazy) kids.
Am I expecting: “Hey Erik, thank you for pointing out this super cool, futuristic feature that comes standard with my van. I really appreciate you looking out for me.”
Or maybe: “Hey, Erik, you do such a good job of making sure I’m safe while at the same time making life worth living. And by the way, you sure look good doing it 😉.”
Yeah. I am. Is that too much to ask? But no. IMMEDIATELY after I’m done driving, that knob gets moved back to Off for some reason.
When I ask, “Yo, WTF?!” The response: “What if I don’t want to drive around with the lights on when it’s dark.”
Now, my dear readers, the series of questions that I HAVE to assume immediately came to your mind after reading her reasoning must be the exact same questions I posed to her after hearing this answer.
Because that specific answer can ONLY come from one type of person: A Criminal.
“Are you a criminal?” “Am I married to a murderer?” “Why would someone want to drive around IN THE DARK with their lights off?” “Are you trying to skirt the police?” “Am I harboring a fugitive?” “Should I be worried?”
So yeah, I’m putting this out there to all of you, just in case I disappear someday.
People can say, “Yeah, you know… the signs were there all along. Did you know she drove around at night with her lights off?! Clear murderer tendencies.”
I was SUPER subtle in my clues, so it may prove impossible to guess who this mystery person is, but hopefully someone is smart enough to deduce.
Yes, she has read this and gave me permission to share it. And if you’ve made it this far, the other question you probably have right now is, “Erik, how in the world would THIS rambling you’ve just put us through possibly be considered Words of Wisdom?”
I thought you’d never ask.
After posting this story on Facebook, as you can imagine with my massive following of about a dozen people, the comments started rolling in…
DEFENDING HER!
Granted, most of the comments were from her siblings, her mother, MY mother, and others saying they do the SAME THING!
Now, I don’t know that I can write a scientific paper detailing the results of these comments, nor do I want to jump to improper conclusions… but here we go.
100% of the comments from people saying they also ignore the cool AUTO feature were women.
100% of the comments supporting my side of the story were men, saying their spouse does THE SAME THING!
So, the wisdom here is that there are certain behaviors that I will never understand, nor claim to understand. But just because I don’t understand them, doesn’t mean the people making those decisions don’t have reasons for making those decisions.
I’m not saying they have good reasons. I’m just saying they have reasons.
And these kinds of things keep us on our toes. And they teach me how to worry less about the small crazies that the people I love carry with them, because we all know that I carry a plethora of small and not-so-small crazies myself.
Alright, I’ll stop there. I feel like everyone reading is lost and confused, and frankly, so am I.
I hope you have a wonderful August. Thank you for being a part of my life, our life, and the community of planet earth.
If you like these book recommendations and stories, consider subscribing.
The title of the book recommendation TOTALLY leads perfectly into the Words of Wisdom this month.
This is technically for June, so ignore the publish date. June got away from me a bit…
*Warning* Proud-dad moments are coming…
Book Recommendation
A couple years ago, I went through a big WWII period of my life where I read A LOT of books that covered WWII. These were both fiction and non-fiction books about this time period.
For those who have read these posts before, you’ll know that my grandparents survived WWII in the Netherlands, and then, after the war, came here to America.
I am fascinated with what my grandparents were able to overcome and saddened by the indescribably tragedies.
I took a break from those, because it all gets pretty depressing, pretty quickly.
During a recent trip to visit my childhood best friend and his family, his wife recommended this book to me, so I gave it a try.
I enjoyed it very much, and if you haven’t read it already, I hope you enjoy it, too.
All The Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr is historical fiction, and it makes me wonder what kinds of stories exist that we’ll never know about and were going on during this chaotic time in world history.
Words of Wisdom
Alright, I warned you… to make it through this next part, you’re going to need to endure a lot of proud-dad moments.
Jared is my son. He is 8 years old. He has been playing baseball for a few years now, and this past season was with a whole new team after he moved up an age division.
This year was also his first year of kid pitch and, as you can imagine, there are a lot of walks as pitchers learn to throw strikes.
There are a lot of batters swinging at balls way over their heads as they learn what a strike zone is.
There are plenty of moments where kids are rolling around in the outfield, completely oblivious to a real-life game happening.
It is wonderful.
There is a long backstory here that involves him trying to pitch earlier in the season and the other team scored 6 runs on him, sending him into a mental state where he didn’t think he was a good pitcher or a good player, and made him question whether he wanted to keep playing baseball.
It doesn’t matter that those runs were scored on 3 errors from others.
He just saw the score and was sad.
Tournament Time
Well, two weeks ago, his team qualified for the season-ending tournament where the top two teams in his league would represent the local high school district at a multi-league tournament where the top two teams from five other high school districts attended as well.
In this tournament, pitchers are only allowed to throw a certain number of pitches, and then they have to stop.
This helps prevent teams that have an all-star pitcher, or a couple all-star pitchers, from just throwing him all game, every game.
Well, over the course of a 3 day tournament, with multiple games, teams start running out of kids who can pitch.
Our team had two great pitchers (the coach’s kids) that got us through the regular season and are amazing little players.
But, in this tournament, our coach had to find other kids who could pitch because of those pitch limits.
Enter Jared.
More Backstory
After Jared’s unfortunate pitching debut I referenced earlier, he and I would go to our front yard, I’d pace off the distance to the pitching mound, and I’d have him pitch to me, giving him pointers that my former-pitcher-self used to practice.
He and I would drive to the local fields and he would pitch from the real mound when no one else was there.
Jared happens to be a lot like his dad when it comes to sports. He’s a perfectionist, and was often in tears if he threw 3 or 4 balls in a row outside the strike zone.
It’s hard to see the big picture when we’re young. It’s hard to see the big picture when we’re not young.
He and I spent hours practicing, not knowing whether or not he’d get another chance to pitch.
Back to the Tournament
His team had built a small lead with one inning to go in their first-round game. The coach asked if I would warm Jared up because Jared was going to pitch next inning.
He and I went to the side of the field and he started throwing to me.
Once he felt like he was warmed up, I asked if he was excited. He said, “Dad, what if they score a bunch of runs and we lose?”
I said, “Jared, they won’t. Just pretend it’s me and you playing catch out there.”
Once he got in, I think I was more nervous than he was.
His first two pitches were balls. This is usually where he starts to get discouraged.
But this time, he proceeded to strike the next two guys out. The third hit a ground ball and was thrown out at first.
Jared’s team won the game. His coach gave him the game ball because of his efforts.
The Next Day
Jared was on Cloud 9. His coaches, his teammates, the parents of the other kids, the grandparents of the other kids… everyone was complimenting him about not just his pitching, but his fielding, hitting, and all aspects of his game.
I wish I could say that the same thing happened the next day. They had another game, and the last inning rolls around, with a eerily similar situation.
His team has a lead. The other players are out of pitches. Jared needs to come close it out.
Luckily, my wish was granted, and Jared dominated for the second day in a row. The other team was not only unable to score a run on his watch, they didn’t even get a runner on base.
His team won, and he did amazing.
The Fallout
Jared’s team ended up taking second place, losing in the championship game. Jared is now obsessed with baseball (remember how he was on the verge of quitting?).
He watches YouTube videos of the Little League World Series all the time. He asks questions about things that happen in those games that don’t make sense to him yet. He watches videos on how to throw faster and hit better.
More importantly (and selfishly), he says the three words every sports dad wants to hear, pretty much every day: “Wanna play catch?”
I even introduced him to The Sandlot for the first time.
The Point
There are two points really.
Number 1: You Are Amazing A friend of mine told me that having kids is like a second chance to live life all over again. The little things become big things again, and this is definitely the case. I imagine that having grandkids is a 3rd go at life, this time with all the mistakes out of the way, which is why grandparents are the best 🙂
It’s really hard for Jared to see how talented he is. It’s hard for him to see the progress he makes after a week of practicing something, and then a month, and then a year.
Sometimes I just want to grab him by the shoulders, look him in the eyes, and tell him, “Why can’t you understand how amazing, and beautiful, and perfect you are?!”
And then, when they are in bed and sleeping, I’ll go through my day and focus on what I could’ve done better. Maybe even think that I failed because I didn’t exercise, or didn’t eat well, or didn’t say or do the right thing. Maybe you feel this way sometimes, too.
So… this is my virtual, grabbing you by the shoulders, looking you in the eyes, and saying, “You are amazing, beautiful, and perfect.”
There is all that light inside of you that you cannot see!
See what I did there? The book title?
Too on the nose?
PointNumber 2: My Greatest Accomplishment My life up until 22 years old was sports and athletics. They defined who I was. They made me who I am. Thanks to parents, coaches, and teammates, I’ve been able to accomplish some truly remarkable things in the sports world.
But… if someone were to ask me today what I think is my greatest athletic achievement, I can proudly say, “This guy.”
Hey, if you made it this far, you are an impressive reader. I am long-winded… less so with speaking, more so with writing.
Thank you for reading!
Erik
If you like reading books. Or, if you like reading about my odd-ball takes on life, subscribe to this blog. Could be a good time.
Mom”
Erik Soderborg 