Erik Soderborg

This is taken from the October 2022 Newsletter.

Book Recommendation

I am a former tennis player of sorts – and HUGE tennis fan. 
A couple weeks ago, my sports idol – Roger Federer – announced his retirement. It was a major moment in the tennis world, and in my own world. 

Another favorite among tennis players is Andre Agassi, and his autobiography: Open was a great read. 

His life has been quite the roller coaster of failure and success – happiness and misery – rebellion and conformity. He outlines his love and hate for tennis as well as the importance of surrounding yourself with quality people to guide you through life’s decisions. 

If you enjoy tennis, I think you’ll love this book. Even if you don’t enjoy tennis or sports in particular, it is a pretty unfiltered look at what kinds of things go on in the lives of professional athletes. Highly recommend it. 

Words of Wisdom
Speaking of sports…

My 7-year-old boy made it to the championship game in his little league baseball tournament last week. His team was undefeated and all of us parents were very excited about it (probably more so than the kids). My son’s team was going against another undefeated team in this championship game. 

Now, you need to understand that these are 5-7 year olds. It’s machine pitch. Most of the kids are just learning the game and trying to have fun. Some are rolling around in the outfield and several times a game the coaches will need to remind two of our little guys to stop wrestling in the outfield, or drawing designs in the dirt, or any number of distracting activities that have us holding on for dear life as a baseball goes screaming past their head. 

It’s actually quite entertaining to watch. If you’re a baseball purist, you might be pulling your hair out during most of the game… but every once in a while… something magical happens. One of the kids rolls over in the dirt. Stands up. Fields a ball and hucks it to first base where his little friend holds out his glove, closes his eyes, and mutters, “please catch it… please catch it” and makes the play. And usually, the parents of both teams are cheering wildly for every good play, including players on the other team. 

… until you get to the championship game.

I don’t know what it is about youth sports, but it can turn otherwise calm, peaceful, loving human beings into absolute lunatics. 

I’ve been around a lot of athletic events. A LOT. And I have never seen a coach manipulate the rules of a sporting event quite like the coach of this opposing team. He and his players seemed to know every little, dirty trick in the book that would trip one of our runners while they ran the bases or hit one of our kids with a hard tag while they were standing on a base in hopes of knocking them off or any number of deceptive and downright dirty plays. The coach would move his best fielder to various positions during the inning so that this player was wherever our kids were most likely to hit. So in one single inning, the kid would play 1st, then go to 2nd, then move over to short, then, for one of our better hitters, he’d move to right field where our guy liked to hit. 

Now, I like to sit in the outfield, away from everyone else and observe. So I’m out there behind the outfield fence listening to the roars of our parents yelling at the opposing coach and at the other parents and at each other. It was quite the scene. 

Again… these are 5-7 year old kids!

League commissioners were called to observe and mediate. Birth certificates were called into question. It was chaos. 

But, going into the last inning, my son’s team had a 4-run lead! However, the other team got last at-bats. All we needed was to keep them from scoring 5 runs. 

One of the parents on our team, who happens to be a good friend, has a son who is just learning the game. This is his first season and he is, by quite a bit, the least experienced and least skilled player on the team. Catching, throwing, and hitting just aren’t easy for him – again, because it is his first year. All of our kids were the same way one or two years ago. 

Well, this dad goes up to our coaches, in the heat of this emotionally-charged game and tells them, “Look, I’m not blind. I know my son is a liability. Please, hide him somewhere in the outfield so he doesn’t cause the team to lose. I’m his dad. It’s cool. I understand. Just hide him.”

One of the coaches helping out, whose son is BY FAR the best player on our team, looks at the dad and says, “Dude, our kids are here to learn and have fun. If we lose, we lose, but your son has been important to our team all year and we’ll keep treating him that way.” 

Our coaches didn’t hide him. 

The kid was slated to play 2nd base and that is where he played. 

Well, the other team comes up and, after a couple of errors at 2nd, they had pulled to within 1 run of tying the game. 

It was just like the movies – they are down one, bases loaded, two outs. 

Their next batter hits a ball to where? You guessed it. 2nd base.

The ball goes right by our little friend there on 2nd base.

Two runners score. 

Other team wins.

Their coach goes nuts. 

He lifts the kid who made the last hit on his shoulders and parades him around the field. 

The kid was loving it. It was a fun scene for their team.

…

Most of our kids took it quite well. There were a couple that cried. A couple who were just there for the treats. And a couple that got distracted by the 2nd place medals and forgot about everything else (my son). 

That 2nd baseman was congratulated and hugged. The coach told him how important he was to the team the entire year and that next time, he’ll make the play, no doubt. 

On the drive home, my son and I discussed the season and the game. My son loved it. He loved the season. He loved his teammates and his coaches. He learned a lot and grew as a baseball player. I am so proud of him and the fact that he is always willing to do his best. 

I am grateful that he is surrounded by people like his coach who understand the bigger picture of youth sports. 

I think what the coach said applies to life in general. We will never grow if we lurk in the shadows, shrink away from the limelight, and refuse to face opportunities to fail and succeed. We don’t learn by hiding. We learn and grow by doing. This applies to a 7-year-old baseball player as much as it does to me and as much as it does to you. 

Don’t hide. Step out of your comfort zone. Surround yourself with people who are there to support you when you are doing wild, and crazy, and scary things.

 

This is taken from the August 2022 Newsletter.

Book Recommendation

Believe it or not, coming up with just one book to recommend is the most difficult part of the newsletter for me to come up with.

I have a reading problem. I’m always reading a new book or listening to an audiobook, so to come up with one recommendation feels like a lot of pressure!

What if you don’t like the book? What if the book has a different political or religious or philosophical stance and I lose any respect you may have had for me?

It’s a lot to juggle. But, I gotta do what I gotta do.

So, I’m going to cheat a little. I’m going to give 2 recommendations AND I’m going to show you the book lists I’ve been keeping over the past 3 years, complete with a review system. This is where I’m pulling my recommendations. 

Recommendation #1 – Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

This is the same author who wrote The Martian, which was later turned into a movie starring Matt Damon who grew potatoes on Mars using, well… I don’t want to give away the story.

I am a space geek and Project Hail Mary is a fictional story that I found very entertaining every step of the way. There is space and science, and there may or may not be contact with other intelligent life. I really enjoyed this one.

Recommendation #2 – Keep Sharp by Sanjay Gupta

If you look at my book list, I have this ranked as a 3 out of 5 because the book could probably be cut in half in terms of content. The author repeats a lot.

Now, the topic isn’t the most comfortable, but it is something that is so very important to address. This book is about brain health and spends a lot of time on Alzheimer’s and dementia. Maybe that’s why he repeats himself so much.

My family has a history of Alzheimer’s and dementia so it is a concern that weighs heavy on my mind as I age and watch members of my family age. 

There were some important pieces and tips in here on what I can be doing at my age to help with brain health as well as what my parents can do to help with brain health.

Now, if you want even more book recommendations, you are in luck.

I have a list of the books I have read over the past 3 years. I rate a book from 1-5 after I read it based on how that book impacted me at that point in my life.

If you wrote any of these books or know the author of any of these, and it isn’t ranked high, it’s all a timing thing.

2020 Book List

2021 Book List

2022 Book List

Words of Wisdom

I want to thank all of you who reached out with your support after last month’s post about our dog Petie.

Your thoughts and words came at the perfect time, so thank you.

Hopefully, you were able to connect with someone meaningful in your life and share how much you appreciate having them in your life.

On to this month’s learnings.

My kids just started up school and, as many of you know, leading up to the school year it’s almost as though the kids can sense that they are running out of time to drive us parents crazy as effectively as they have been able to during the summer. They feel the need to cram as many messes, broken toys, destroyed glassware, and permanent marker wall drawings as they can to make up for the time that they’ll be in school.

Given this, my wife and I were in a vacuum chamber of our own kids and only seeing their behavior for the past 3 months. We got to thinking that our kiddos were little hellians and would cause chaos and destruction wherever they went. Luckily, they are 9, 7, and 4, so while they can cause trouble, it is USUALLY inexpensive trouble and generally just results in broken toys and some occasional screaming – the kids at each other, of course. Who am I kidding? My wife and I get a bit upset as well. 

However, we spent this weekend at Bear Lake with some family friends. We stayed in a 1 bedroom condo with our friends and their 3 kids. So, we had 6 kids (5 of 6 were girls) and 4 adults – sleeping on bunk beds, couches, and pull out beds. Yikes!

It was actually a wonderful time, and it was nice to get away and spend time with my wife and kids without a lot of distractions. We didn’t have a solid internet connection. We didn’t watch TV except for right before bedtime. We didn’t have great cell service, so all of this made it a bit easier to just be present and focus on our friends and family.

But we also got to see how other similar-aged parents deal with similar-aged kids. 

Now, I am not saying that my wife and I are better or worse parents, or that our kids are better or worse than these other kids, all I’m saying is that everyone is different, and we see the world differently, and we respond to different stresses in different ways, and that is okay.

Oh… and our kids are WAY better.

I’m joking, I’m joking.

This is actually the point of the attempt at words of wisdom.

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy.”

It’s an interesting idea, and one that I’m still trying to wrap my brain around in a realistic way. 

One of my personal foibles is that I find it impossible NOT to compare. Whether that’s comparing our family to another’s. My body to another’s. My house, my car, my income, my toys, my kids, my city, state, country… the list goes on and on. Humans compare things to make better sense of the world and to learn preferences. And we’re not the only creatures doing this, either. Animals compare mates, foods, shelters, colors, and much more. My golden retriever is picky about her dog food because she likes the taste of one over the other, but I can promise you that if the less-tasty food is all we have, she eats it. All while glaring at me with this accusatory look and I can’t help but think she is trying to let me know how poor of a provider I am. But I digress.

Comparison feels impossible to avoid and, quite frankly, is used for both good and bad.

I’ve mentioned before that I was involved in athletics growing up and my parents would let me know that, “there’s always someone out there working harder, doing more drills, who is bigger, faster, stronger, or all of the above than you.” Depending on the day, my teenage brain would feel discontent, jealous, and sad or motivated and determined.

Or, when I’d complain, I’d hear, “you can always find someone doing worse than you. Be grateful for [insert what I was complaining about].” Which, again, depending on the emotions of a teenaged brain, could lead to me feeling grateful, happy, and accomplished… or that my parents were nuts. 

How weird is that?!

So, maybe comparison isn’t all bad, but being unable to find contentment is what leads to frustrations?

After this weekend, I feel more love and admiration for my wife and kids. They handle situations so well and, for the most part, with a lot of poise and calm compared to others we saw. I wouldn’t trade my family for anything in the world.

I also sincerely believe that my friends feel the same way about their family.

And that’s great!

Behind the scenes, everybody is dealing with something that we would never wish to face. Everybody is armed with unique skills and gifts that allow them to cope with situations in a different way than our skills and gifts allow us. Humanity is so cool that way. We are all working our way through life, one minute after the next, trying to leave a mark on the people we care about in a meaningful way.

I don’t think it is realistic to tell you to never compare yourself or others to anyone else ever again. It’s just not going to happen. However, I do hope when we do find ourselves comparing, that we understand just because someone on a micro-level is doing better or worse than what we perceive ourselves, it does not mean that on a macro level their life is any better or worse. All we can control is ourselves (to a certain degree) and our circle of influence (to an even lesser degree).

So, if you made it this far, thank you for being the human soul that you are. Thank you for the good you bring to the world and for the wherewithal to understand that while you may have flaws and you may solve problems differently than your neighbor, we are all people doing our best to do what we feel is right.

I always enjoy hearing from you, and have a great month.

This is taken from the July 2022 Newsletter.
The words of wisdom portion of this newsletter was actually already published as a tribute to our beloved Petie dog who was put down in this month that you can read here: Petie

Book Recommendation

My book recommendation for this month is:
The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson. 

Oh… my… goodness… I listened to this with my wife on a road trip to Oregon and found myself laughing out loud, quite hysterically, at several points during this book. I thought it was so fun and playful and a reminder to me to live life to the fullest. Highly recommend this one. 

This is taken from the June 2022 Newsletter:

Book Recommendation

There is a popular show on Hulu right now called Dopesick. It portrays the opioid epidemic, specifically the company (Purdue Pharma) and family (The Sacklers) that produced OxyContin.

The story is devastating and unbelievable. I have several friends and family members who were/are impacted by this crisis.

Odds are, someone in your family and close group of friends has been as well.

If you’d prefer watching a cinematic rendition of the story with well-known actors, watch Dopesick on Hulu.

If you’d prefer to read or listen to a much more detailed account, including the history of the Sackler family, read The Empire of Pain.

I just finished this book earlier this month and it was absolutely crazy to hear about what goes in on in the pharmaceutical world. 

Words of Wisdom

This is more of a request from you.

I am in my mid-30’s, stumbling through life and trying not to crash into too many things.

I have been fortunate to have the life I do. My parents, siblings, wife, kids, friends, neighbors, coworkers and countless other people have made my life heaven on earth up to this point (knock on wood). But here is my question for you:

If you could go back and speak to your 35-year-old self, what would you share?

What advice would you give?
Would it be financial or professional advice?

Would it be relationship or interpersonal advice?

Maybe it would be more around outlook, perspective, or religion?

I’d love to hear your words of wisdom, if you are willing to share with me.

This is taken from the May Newsletter and message.

Book Recommendation

I have 2 recommendations for you because it was too difficult to settle on just one.

They each appeal to a different kind of reader so, you get to choose 🙂

Factfulness by Hans Rosling

Hans passed away before his findings could be published, but his family finished his work and published this book. It was eye-opening when it comes to where the world is moving. We see mostly negative stories through the news, but when we look at the world as a whole and the direction we are moving when it comes to life, health, and luxury… the results are surprising. I really enjoyed this one as more of a study of humans, perceptions, and data behind what’s really going on.

If you think you have a good pulse on reality, try out the Factfulness quiz here: Factfulness Quiz

Book #2

The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown

If you are more into real-life stories, this one was fantastic. It is about the University of Washington rowing team back in the 30s and their quest for the 1936 Berlin Olympic gold. Unbelievable story if you haven’t read it already. As a millennial, it amazes me to see the work ethic, resolve, strength, and character of previous generations.

Words of Wisdom

This past week has been an interesting one. My 7-year-old boy has been having nightmares where I or my wife die. If one of us leaves the house after the kids have gone to bed, he usually comes downstairs crying, asking why one of us left and if we are coming back.

I remember doing the same thing as a kid. My dad owned apartments and would often go to his properties to handle issues late at night. It was hard for me to fall asleep until I knew my dad was back home safe.

When I was 7, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, so during her treatments, there was always the concern that she wouldn’t be around much longer. 

7-year-old Erik’s biggest fear was losing my parents.

—

Once I became a teenager, my parents magically transformed into the enemy.

You know the drill: They tried keeping me safe. They wanted to help me see the big picture and prevent me from being an idiot. I thought I knew everything and that they were lame. I didn’t appreciate them like I should have and constantly asked them to pay for stuff.

The classic parent/teenager relationship.

And, as a result, my thoughts were almost exclusively about myself, with my loyalties shifted to my friends.

I remember having recurring nightmares where I would see my best friend at the time die in the nightmares, and that worried me.

17-year-old Erik’s biggest fear was watching my best friend – Donnie – die.

—

My twenties brought a new shift in mindset because I somehow convinced a girl WAY out of my league to not only talk to me, and not only agree to date me, but marry me. While my parents and Donnie were still important to me, my biggest fear quickly became losing my wife. I still have anxiety whenever I see a number I don’t recognize come through my phone. I fear that it’ll be the phone call telling me there has been an accident. I still occasionally have nightmares where I lose my wife.

—

I’m older now.

I have three beautiful kids who are so full of light and love and energy and everything good about the world, and all of these worries still float around in my head. They have all the potential, and as their parent, my only hope is that they get to continue growing and realize their own hopes and dreams.

My biggest fear now is a tie between losing my wife and losing my kids.

—

The Unimaginable

As I mentioned earlier, it has been a thought-provoking week.

Tuesday marked the 2-year anniversary from when my stepbrother was killed in a car accident. My stepmother had to experience, in real life, what I have only had to experience in my nightmares:

  • The phone call telling her something happened.

  • The drive to the hospital.

  • Seeing her son, battered and lifeless on a table.

  • Identifying him to the coroner.

She never got a chance to say goodbye.

She never got another chance to give him a hug, or tell him how much she loved him before he was tragically taken from this world.

He left behind two young kids who now have to live through 7-year-old Erik’s worst nightmare.

We don’t have time to go over the whole story, but one thing she and my dad shared about the experience at the hospital was that while they were there, Life Flight helicopters took off and returned multiple times. Ambulances came to the Emergency Room entrance, and doctors and nurses were running to help other patients and families whose worlds were crashing in.

Every second, of every day, someone is going through incredible suffering.

Statistically speaking, based on the number of you who subscribe to this newsletter, there are several who have lived through something similar. You know the feelings, the sounds, the emotions, the fear, the pain, and sadness all too well. Many of life’s petty problems become insignificant once you’ve been through something like this. The fog changes you.

—

This attempt at words of wisdom is not to depress or make sad, but to bring perspective.

We’ve all lost someone. Some more recently than others.

We’ve all experienced bad days. Some more recently than others.

And we will all experience more. Some sooner than others. 

And so does everyone else.

As part of my job and other interests, I get the chance to interact with a lot of people. Most are super nice. Some… not so much.

It takes effort to pull myself out of the immediate situation and see past what is happening right in front of my nose.

I’m not perfect at it, but I’m getting better at realizing that I don’t know this person’s story.

I don’t know what they’ve been through nor what they are going through in that moment.

And I start to like people a lot more with this mentality.

For a period of time, I got super into the musical Hamilton.

And when I say super into it… I was SUPER into it.

Running around the house belting out the entire soundtrack (male and female parts).

Pulling my kids in to pretend to be one of the other characters.

Dancing.

All of it.

(I am a terrible singer and dancer, so my wife, bless her soul, endured this like a champ)

One of my favorite songs is called “Quite Uptown,” and is performed just after Alexander Hamilton’s son is killed in a duel.

Some of the lines that hit me hard:

“There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
You hold your child as tight as you can
And push away the unimaginable

The moments when you’re in so deep
It feels easier to just swim down…

If you see him in the street
Walking by her side, talking by her side, have pity
They are going through the unimaginable.”

So, over this next week or month or however long you can latch onto this idea, as you see people walking down the street, or you interact with other human beings who seem crazy, or mean, or confused, or don’t do things the way that we think that they should – have pity, they could be going through the unimaginable.

If any of you are going through the unimaginable right now, I hope you find peace.

I hope that we can all avoid tragedies and pain for as long as possible and, when it does come, that we can find strength, and accept help from others who can carry some of the burden when the weight is too heavy for us to carry alone.

I hope to be the type of person who can recognize when others are hurt and have the courage to do something about it.

You are all incredible people who have experienced the good and the bad of the human experience.

It truly is a miracle, all of this around us.

I consider you a miracle.

So today, let’s be just that.

If this made you think a little, consider subscribing to see more.

This is taken from the April 2022 Newsletter. This was near the time when the war broke out between Russia and Ukraine.

Book Recommendation:

The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse
(click the blue link to see it on Amazon)

I enjoy reading. A little too much sometimes. In fact, I publish my book list every year so I can keep track of what I’ve read. I love reading a book that can challenge my way of thinking and get me to see the world in a different way. This may come in the form of a good biography, science fiction, a murder mystery, or just a short book with simple messages.

Some of you may have already read The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse since it has been out for a few years, but this book got me to smile and helped me connect thoughts I’ve had in my head with the bigger picture of what truly matters. My wife and I gave this book out as our Christmas gifts this year. You’ll want the physical copy. I had a good friend listen to the audiobook and it just doesn’t have the same effect. You need to see the pictures to understand.

Words of Wisdom:

This may be more of a somber Words of Wisdom thought, and I hope you’ll forgive me for that.

Something that weighs heavily on my mind is what is going on between Russia and Ukraine. I lived in South-West Russia for a few years, right near the border of Ukraine. I have dear friends who are Russian and dear friends who are Ukrainian. It is awful to see what is taking place and the lives that have been and continue to be devastated by what is happening over there.

I do not have the full story. I do not know what will happen. Like most people, I am fearful of where this conflict could lead.

I do know that there are unbelievably kind, caring, loving, peaceful, and beautiful people who happen to be Russian. I do know that there are kind, caring, loving, peaceful, and beautiful people who happen to be Ukrainian. I do know there are millions suffering, not just in this conflict but in other like conflicts around the world, most often at no fault of their own.

Whether you believe in a God, or karma, or nature, please keep these other human beings in mind as the world tries to figure out a way to resolve this issue. I love humanity. The human experience is an incredible combination of good, bad, joyous, and devastating – and I hope that we can all look for empathy as we interact with others. It is easy to judge someone without knowing their story. It’s easy to critique when we, ourselves, are having a bad day. It takes a lot of effort to pull our vision past the front of our noses and see a bigger picture – that we are all, each and every one of us, trying our best to find connection, peace, happiness, and good health. I wish these for the people of Ukraine and Russia. I wish these for you.

Hey, if you enjoy the random thoughts of some guy who’s doing his best to find his place in this world, consider subscribing.

This is taken from the March 2022 Newsletter.

Book Recommendation

A couple years back, I read a fascinating book called Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage (thank you for the recommendation Bogdan). It tells the story of Ernest Shackleton and his crew’s attempt to explore Antarctica. During this expedition, their ship – The Endurance – got stuck in the ice and ultimately sank, never to be seen again… or so we thought…

Well, earlier this year, after 107 years, it was announced that the Endurance was found! 10,000 feet below the surface of the ocean!

I highly recommend this book as it describes the extreme hardships that humans are able to endure. Every one of his crew members survived after months of fighting through cold, boredom, shelter and food issues, and just dealing with other human beings. 

You can find the book here on Amazon: Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage

Or most audiobook apps have the story as well. 

This leads me to the words of wisdom.

Words of Wisdom

My wife teaches several different types of fitness classes every week. Her favorite discipline is the spin class (cycling in place to music). Occasionally, she is able to convince me to join her as she drags me out of the house to go exercise. 

A while back, she and I took a class from a different instructor. As I’m pedaling away, pretending like I am totally fine while trying to hide the fact that I’m crying on the inside because my legs are burning and I can’t breathe, the instructor said something that stuck with me. 

She told all of us riders to focus our minds on taking a bigger-picture view of what was going on right then, in that moment, as our bodies were fighting our minds. She told us to acknowledge the trials we’ve had in our life, and recognize that we have overcome every single one of them.

100%! A perfect record! 

There is not a single obstacle, hurdle, tragedy, or hardship that you have not scratched, clawed, and fought your way through, making it out to the other side each and every time. 

Of course, we have bumps, bruises, and scars – some of them deep. But you, me, and whoever else is reading this have overcome 100% of what life has thrown at us so far. And that’s pretty cool!

So, whether you are stranded in the middle of Antarctica and your only means of getting home just sunk, never to be seen again for 107 years… or your body is turning against you and can’t do what it used to… or you’ve lost a loved one… remember, you are strong, you are tough, and you not only can, but you will get through this. 

Hey, if you’re into this kind of stuff, consider subscribing to get notified when a new post comes out.